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I guess this what happens when you don’t have a plan, but pick up a video camera and start recording. This is the video that is going to be used at the Evenglow Bible Study on Tuesday to give residents an update on my recovery and to show them the fruits of their labors as they prayed over my mother last Spring!
It is really great to be back in Pontiac and relaxing at home, but I sure did enjoy my time in Pittsfield with family!
Also, I think we’ll add another video here. I asked Edwina Wilber, after church, to comment about what makes Pittsfield so great. I thought you might enjoy her response:
FIRST: Isn’t it funny how our minds and bodies will just take over and give us what we need -even if we don’t know what it is at the time??? The last few days I’ve been videoing and blogging to share with you all about my new medicine patterns and sleeplessness. That’s old news, of course. I realized something, though, this morning. Like so many other 2 ams this week I found myself stirring. I wobbled to the bathroom and then went in search of my laptop. (By the way: it is really hard to stay upright when you are missing part of your brain AND are on heavy narcotics, not going to lie about that.)
Well, there is my wife asleep in the bed and I don’t want to wake her (such a light sleeper compared to me), so I head to the kitchen.
Here it is almost 3 am and I suddenly realize that I’m at home. I don’t mean that I feel at home or that my in-laws have just made me feel falsely welcome. Nope! I mean, I feel at home enought that I started my morning routine. I went to the pantry and poured some Cinnamon Toast Crunch (Yes, I’m aware of what a diet-poor decision that is. I don’t care, btw, at 4 or 5am. If it isn’t light out, the sugar and calories won’t count.
I’ve really been blessed to be staying in a place where such hospitality is shown. It is great to be in a place where my in-laws tell me how they feel about my attitude, life, or behavior so that I can be the best person possible.
Tonight was one of those moments. Earlier tonight I showed my mother-in-law, June, this new project I’ve bee doing. She said, “Oh, gee, Scott, I see how you’re trying to make people feel appreciated, but this could make people feel bad. What about those people who have meant to send a card and forgot or couldn’t.
As I’ve scanned these cards into the computer, I’ve let those words tumble around my head. She may be right, yet there are some other thoughts tumbling around my head, lately. Over the past few months have been preaching and teaching about how we need to truly show our love. I’ve said it over-and-over: We need to write a card, make a phone call, and we need to visit one another. If we are to be a community of Christ we need to be disciplined in showing our love to those around us.
I guess I could shove all these cards into an old shoe box as a selfish reminder one-day of some nice things that people once said to me…but I think the calling of pastor is higher than that. I’ve been asking people to reach out in relationship and develop deeper connections with one-another, God and the world. I want to lift up the thoughtful gestures that have been shared with me as an example.
These aren’t just names on a paper. This isn’t just a list of prayers in a bulletin. It’s not just a signature on a nice picture. Nope. These are thoughts and love, poured out for others. Whether it is a time of “Sharing the Love of Christ” on Sunday morning during worship; whether it is a phone call to a loved one on Saturday afternoon; whether it is stopping in for lunch at Evenglow or delivering meals-on-wheels… Whatever ministries fill our week, let them be visible signs of how much we care for others. We can’t just look at someone’s nametag and think that we know them. We must look more closely at them and find deeper connections with them. Tonight I show you just a few of the many expressions of love that I have received over the past few weeks. (These are just a few from this week while I’ve been in St Louis, I’m not sure I’ll ever get them all up) This isn’t meant as an exercise in vanity or a way to show off. And I hope that no one feels bad if their card isn’t yet visible on this virtual card wall. This is meant as a way to remind us that small expressions of love really do matter in this world. Small expressions of love are what keep us going, smiling, and loving.
Take a look at some of the nice notes I’ve received. Then—- don’t send me yet another. Turn around, grab a piece of blank paper, and start writing a note to someone in your life who might just need a kind word.
Lastly, I ask a favor. I have tried to “redact” any personal or confidential notes that might embarrass or bother anyone. If I have inadvertently left something in, or if you wish your note to be removed, please let me know ASAP and I’ll take it down!!! The last thing I wish to do is cause trouble or discomfort for you!!!
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| Yes, this is my MRI from two months ago and that is my tumor. We still don’t have a proper name for it. |
In just a few hours (at noon) I will be undergoing a special MRI. The doctors are going to be placing small sensors all over my head and doing a scan that will let them see what they are doing during the surgery. If you’ve ever seen Dr. Shepherd on Grey’s Anatomy doing a TV version of brain surgery, I imagine it will be a lot like that: without all the distractions, sex and death. This MRI will be loaded into their equipment on Monday morning and they will be able to see what they are doing inside of my head.
What we were not aware of, until Friday, is that these sensors are kind of like green lifesavers. That’s not the good part. Wait for it. They stick them on my head before the MRI at noon on Sunday and I have to keep them on until (and throughout) the surgery. Okay, I know that in the grand scheme of things that doesn’t seem like such a big deal, but we planned a big dinner out with some of our family Sunday night. You know, a last nice meal before the surgery. Now it appears I’ll be going to a nice restaurant in Saint Louis looking like some sort of Star Trek alien.
Well, at least I won’t actually see anyone that I know. That’s the upside. Oh- and it’s the Super Bowl, so we’re likely to be alone in the restaurant, so no one may see me anyway!
On a related note I learned something else recently. One of my mother-in-law, June Berry’s, friends had a brain surgery and had a stressful experience as she was coming out of anesthesia. As she woke up she found that she was being put into an MRI. You can imagine that it was all very disorienting for her! It was a very stressful experience and June’s friend wanted me to be warned about it, especially because it was a similar surgery with my same surgeon at the same hospital. I have good news. Well, they do it differently now. This is the cool part: They now have an MRI right in the operating room so when they are finished with the surgery and I’m still on the operating table (and still knocked out) they will do an MRI right there and then to make sure there is no swelling, bleeding, and to make sure that no part of the tumor remains.
Isn’t it remarkable that we live in an age where my surgeon can scan my brain and see what he is doing as he operates? Isn’t it remarkable that we live in a time when we can have MRI’s, which were on their own so rare even just two decades ago, right in the operating room?
Anyway, I just wanted to share a quick update. I hope that this note finds my friends and family doing well and I will be praying for all of you! May God’s blessings be evident o you all on this Sunday morning!
I am especially praying for those of you at First United Methodist Church Pontiac who are working through the Fruitful Congregations material in my absence. I pray for the Holy Spirit to be upon you all in this discernment process, to show you a way forward, and to build up your passion and excitement for ministry in our church, community and the world!!!
Blessings & Peace!
Scott
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| June 2012, Cancale, France |
I have blogged in the past, but the service where I’ve hosted my blog is going away. So it is time to start over. Well, that can be a blessing sometimes. First of all, I’m inviting my wife to contribute to a blog that will belong to both of us. I thought it might be fun and it will make updates more regular. Secondly, I’m about to have a major operation. What a better time to start a blog. I find myself, more and more, reflecting: on life, God, and my family.
Two years ago I had a very big year. I graduated seminary, started a new time of ministry at First UMC Pontiac, and got married to my beautiful wife, Carrie. The past two years have brought a lot of new experiences. I know what it is to love someone so very much as I love Carrie and yet I’ve experienced the difficulties of learning to be married to someone so different from myself. I’ve had deep frustrations with the church where I am in ministry and yet found incredible joy in serving there and coming to know these faithful people. I left a place that I loved (Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary in Evanston) and went to a very different sort of place in rural Illinois…and I’ve loved living here and found good people and good ministry here in Pontiac.
Suddenly, though, I have found myself in the midst of trauma over the past few months. This church finally faced their financial reality, and so we will be leaving the church as it right-sizes itself from two pastors to one. In the midst of that process, we discovered that I had a brain tumor. Then, as had long been planned, the directing pastor left town for more than three weeks for vacation and a renewal of wedding vows with his wife along the Gulf Coast (we had three funerals over ten days during that time).
It’s funny how these things work. I was so busy running a church of nearly 1000 members that I didn’t have time to consider my own condition. If you had asked me if I wanted it that way I would have said, “hell no!” Yet, God has a funny way of putting things in order, sometimes. With so much transition and so much to do, I found that I was better able to cope. I was filled with energy and filled with purpose over these past few weeks. I was also surrounded by an outpouring of love and support by my family of faith as they walked with me during these last weeks. I am thankful beyond words for the blessings God has shown me over these past weeks.
Now that I am officially on medical leave and I await a surgery in just 7 days I have had a moment to catch my breath and to ponder what is coming. I can’t imagine my brain surgery failing. All I can imagine is a year that will be filled with excitement like I experiences two years ago. I will be sad to leave the people of Pontiac, but I look forward to the adventures that God will give me in a new church, living in a new community and living alongside a strong, confident, and talented wife. I look forward to the wedding of my sister-in-law to her fiancé and I look forward to a family vacation next fall. God has given me many great things to look forward to and I look forward to sharing them with you here on our new blog!
God is good, eh?
Scott